Do you think it is less effective or undermines the other if one parent spanks, for example, and the other uses time out? (Not to bring up the debate on spanking, please, it is just an example).

I don’t think parents have to use the same punishment as long as the child knows there is SOME punishment for X-action. My husband is much quicker to yell and spank than I am. When he gets on them, they know they’re REALLY in trouble. I’ll holler and spank as needed, but not nearly as much as he does. Our kids mind and respect us both.

Why do parents use physical discipline to discipline their children as it makes the child’s self-esteem go low?

does physical discipline make a child’s self-esteem go low? or is low self-esteem a natural part of that child’s personality? or perhaps a combination of several things, such as child’s personality &/or parent/s’ personality &/or abuse, bullying by other kids or people, so many things?
my father was physically disciplined as a child, at home & at school (corporal punishment) he was not ‘beaten’ but definately physically punished. i’ve known my father for 35yrs & he’s never had low self-esteem, even through the very distressing & sudden separation from his wife (my mother)we have always had a close relationship.
my parents both at times physically disciplined myself & 2 sisters, once again we were not ‘beaten’. one of my sister’s is much quieter & shyer than us other 2 & she was intimidated & bullied at school by a teacher & told that she would never get anywhere because she was too dumb, she has 2 degrees under her belt with honours, has spent 2yrs abroad working & travelling, is in a great marriage, has a great son, own their own home, their 2nd. i was bullied in high school. i travelled many places in australia, alone & then with my son. i became a single parent because i refuse to bow down to or stay with a man that would raise his hand at me, i stayed a single parent for 15yrs, & i am not the only one who states what a great person my child is, i even received a letter from QANTAS flight staff & pilot on my successful raising of my child. i’ve done a dozen different jobs, some that people said i couldn’t do for one reason or another, i proved them wrong. i bought my own house, that nobody else owns. i am putting myself through uni. i have recently married, & am not afraid of the challenge of the new baby that we are expecting, dispite it being nearly 17yrs since i had a baby. we are investigating new business opportunities & in the process of investing in a joint property (he has 1, i have 1 already).
my other sister was a single mum, is also putting herself through uni & is currently starting a new business. she also is in a great relationship now.
i don’t think any of us girls show any sign of being negatively affected by physical discipline, or having low self-esteem. do you?
my son & nieces & nephews are or have all been physically disciplined, not ‘beaten’, so far my nieces & nephews so far (as they are still quite young). my son who is 16 he has a sensitive nature & he hasn’t had a ‘smack’ for several years, has always been an outgoing child, does well at school, was bullied in his junior schooling years by other kids, is sporty, has started his own business at 12yr, selling our home grown fruit door to door for pocket money, then starting a lawn mowing business in our local area, designing, printing & delivering flyers, working out how much to charge, serviced his own equipment, juggled school, sporting, social, family & mowing himself. now is working for someone else, but still juggles all the other things. has a nice girlfriend & good friends that don’t peer pressure him & respect his choices & his respect for his mother & our rules. eg he was recently at a friends house, which turned into a party & alcohol was involved, my son declined even a swig of alcohol because ‘i haven’t asked my mum if i can have a drink today’, apparently that was about lunchtime, i didn’t pick him up til 7pm. low self-esteem? i think not.
so do you really think that physical discipline lowers self-esteem? perhaps you’re not focusing on what you have, what you can. positive thinking, no matter what happens to you there are positives & positives can be made out of negatives. being beaten, on the otherhand….well thats different & can very well lead to self-esteem issues, but you’ll find there’ll be other factors, not just being beaten.

My son is constantly telling us to shut up if we are saying something he doesn’t want to hear or he is grumpy (he learned from older siblings) and he hits and scratches only me. He seems to be the most difficult with me. I am not sure what to do.

Get the book "To Train up a Child" by Michael and Debbi Pearl – in the meantime – look forthese specific behaviors in articles on their website -nogreaterjoy.org- you can also subscribe to their free magazine- their articles have been a tremendous help to me