Discipline

6 Comments

• #1 by TOM CAT on October 4th, 2009

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  Love Love Love, All you need is LOVE!!
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• #2 by paperclip on October 4th, 2009

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  I try to keep the individual in the least restrictive environment. I keep them happy healthy and safe. Behavior management is based on positive afermations. I really like how you did that. That was really nice of you to do that… It would really make me happy if you ….
  Disciple is age appoapreate. I do not think that I would discipline an elderly person beyond maybe taking something dangerous away from them.
  But for kids the punishment always fits the crime. If you write on the walls you scrub them off or at least help me do it.
  You pick up your toys and then you get your dessert.
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• #3 by Brandy on October 4th, 2009

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  I practice attachment parenting, and lean heavily on non-violent communication as a tool for discipline.

  For "behavior management", I suppose I do a number of things. If it’s a behavior I think is generally maladaptive or hurtful to others (such as hitting a friend…my son is 2.5, for reference), I rely on a simplified version of nonviolent communication. I either take him aside of talk to him right before an event if I am lucky enough to see it coming or right afterwards if I don’t. This is basically how the convo goes:
  1) what I saw happen "You hit so-in-so"
  2) my son’s feelings (or sometimes I start with his friend’s feelings, just depends on the scenario, and I let my gut be my guide on what would be more beneficial in each moment) "were you feeling upset because he took your car"–I did that version up until now, when this version is becoming more useful at his age (2.5)…"can you remember what you were thinking right before you hit him?" and he typically will tell me what he is upset about (I like to think that’s because we’ve been doing this exercise for a long time now, and he’s becoming aware of why he does things and his own personal triggers)…then I’ll talk about the other person’s feelings "I see you’re friend is crying, he’s sad because you hit him"…or I’ll let my son guess why his friend is crying
  3) then we talk about alternatives that he can do next time without anyone getting hurt. Sometimes I suggest an idea, and sometimes he does. If he isn’t raring to go back and play, sometimes we’ll role play a similar scenario and give him time to practice the new skill. Or sometimes we’ll practice at home or on another day.

  Other "behavior management" things I do are just being playful. I’m likely to do this if the situation isn’t necessarily a learning experience for him (like, not hitting your friends is), but more something I’d like him to do/not do because it’s more convenient for me that way (like getting to the car in less than half an hour when we go somewhere, haha or not throwing his food everywhere in the kitchen). I just getting really playful and come up with a game or funny thing to do that gets him to do what I want him to without using force. As an example, one day my son discovered his straw could lift food from his plate and enjoyed blowing that into the air in the kitchen. It was hugely annoying to me because little bits of spaghetti were going to end up everywhere. I just got a huge grin on my face and told him I said something even better for him to use with his straw. We put his food away together and got out a tray with a few small glasses on it. I put different liquids in each (water, apple juice, and orange juice). And I gave him another small bowl to spit it out in. I showed him how he could transfer the liquid from the cups to the bowl. He loved it! And my kitchen stayed clean and we were all happy!

  Elderly care, I don’t have much experience but have decided already that when it comes to my parents when they get older that their own personal selves/sense of independence are hugely important. If they need to stay at home or do other things that are inconvenient to me, I’ll just do my best to make it work for everyone.
  References :
  http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php
  http://www.cnvc.org/node/369

• #4 by leenniq28 on October 4th, 2009

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  I think my biggest problem was that I didn’t change the things that weren’t working.I kept using the same parenting strategies and hoped for different results. This turned out to be almost as big a problem as not trying to fix problems in the first place. For example, I thought that threatening to do this or that was an effective form of discipline — but since I had to use it each day to correct the same problem, it should have been obvious that it was not a good strategy. I have better tools in my parenting toolbox now. Now there is an online version of the parent-program for working parentswho are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers, and you will experience the same success as those who attend the program in person. The online version is called Online Parent Support (OPS).

  Meet Mark Hutten who has worked with troubled teens and frustrated parents for nearly 20 years — and does so for a living — to show you a set of very effective parenting techniques that are guaranteed to work.
  References :
  http://tinyurl.com/na4yon

• #5 by Leigha on October 4th, 2009

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  This article might help…
  http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1999786/how_to_improve_your_childs_behavior.html?cat=4
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• #6 by Empowering Parents on October 4th, 2009

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  I think parents should set goals with their children to motivate them. So a goal might be, “If you can clean your room for three days, then you get an extra half hour of computer time.” Now your child is working toward something reachable. But remember, the incentive has to be something your child wants. Things that tend to work with kids these days are cell phones, computers, video games, and television. These are all “carrots” we can use to give our kids the incentive to behave and be responsible.
  By the way, I think for many kids with motivational problems, the right approach is, “We will give you half an hour on the computer; that’s our gift to you. Every member of the family gets it. And if you want more, then we need to see you trying harder and keeping up with your responsibilities.” I tell parents to limit time on the computer because I think a great opportunity is being missed here: you are squandering your chance to offer it as a reward. By limiting your child’s computer time, he has to put forth some effort to earn more. Be sure to clearly define what a child must do—and for how long—in order to earn that extra time.
  References :
  http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-Will-Never-Change-Their-Behavior.php