I don’t want to make me sound like a bad mommy or anything but…..as far as spanking a one year old? What is your opinion on this cuz I don’t like to hit I mostly try to tell my toddler NO and let her know what is wrong and what is right! I have been doing this for a while and I know she understands cuz she will get ready to listen then decide she wants to do whatever it is anyway. EXAMPLE: putting electrical cords in her mouth, dropping all her food on the floor, bitting both her daddy and I, pinching us ect. She looks at you with that look like I know this is bad but I’m doing this anyway! She has been doing better she will stop what she is doing when I tell her NO. But occasionally she is just being a brat on purpose. That’s when I feel like a broken record and I get frustrated and I spank her on her but or mouth, or hand. Depending on what it is that she is doing. I just feel like a bad mommy some time but if yelling or explaining don’t work I am not one to let a child walk all over me. Advice will be greatly appreciated!
#1 by ? on June 29th, 2011
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Please don’t feel like a bad mom, it sounds like you are doing the best that you can. There are ALL different kind of parenting styles out there and no evidence that one is better than the other. Personally, I feel that as long as you are using the disciplinary act of spanking out of love for the child and not out of frustration or anger that it shouldn’t be considered abuse.
With my toddler I would use physical punishment (hand slap, pinch, butt slap . . . never anything HARD, just hard enough to get her attention) in situations that were putting her in danger. For example: if she took off in a parking lot, hid from me in a public place, tried to touch a hot stove, etc.
I didn’t have to do this with my first, as she was miss safety turtle straight from birth. My second daughter however is a thrill seeker, and firmer punishment is the only thing that works. Personally I would rather deal with the repercussions that might come from a light tap on the rear than the repercussions that would come from her taking off in the parking lot.
#2 by Angie on June 29th, 2011
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Just to warn you – there are a lot of anti-spank people here on yanswers, so don’t be surprised if you get slammed with responses of how horrible an “abuser” you are. But just try to get a 1 1/2 year old to sit in “Time Out” – rrriiiggghht. We have a 1 1/2 year old who clearly knows some things (not throwing the remote at the dog) and those are spank times – when he CLEARLY knows. Use
ANY form of discipline that gets results – you will know what really gets effective change. You are NOT a bad mother, but in fact one who CARES enough to discipline!! That’s GOOD! In real life, doing things wrong DOES result in a “spank” of sorts, whether it be physical, emotional, etc. Some kids are very put off by the social or emotional rejection of a time-out but with others the physical is more effective. YOU are the best judge of that!
#3 by Manda fay on June 29th, 2011
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Well my kids are very well behaved if I do say so myself and it is because when they were toddlers if they did something mean or bad I would say no the first time and if they did it again I would say one, then if they did it again I would say two, very sternly, and if still I would say three and give em a swat on the behind and put them in their room. This worked incredibly, even at the store. But if they are doing something that will hurt them then you remove them danger and say if you do that again you will get a swat and go to your room and if they get close to it again you start the one, two, three. As far as running through the parking lot you swat them as soon as you catch up to them or if there are a lot of people around you take them into the potty and explain to them that they never do that and give them a swat. Good luck!
#4 by nm on June 29th, 2011
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I guess it depends how old your toddler is. I don’t believe spanking is a cure all. It may immediatley stop the behavior but it will still surface 1hr or 1day later. With that said I do spank my children on occasion when the act puts them in immediate danger. Its important to remember a toddler knows what no means, now. But they do not understand it means cease & desist all further activity of this behavior now & forever. They just don’t have the self control. Staying calm & in control of the situation is important. Kids learn the divide & concure early on. I have found 123 magic to be helpful to set firm boundries and consequences, but….get the book & read it first!!! Its easy & ends all the stop behavior you are talking about usually with the count of 1 when they become accustomed to it. Another thing to remember is she is acting out for a reason. whether it be tired, overhungry etc. I find a nap & good meal & a schedule cure a lot of that. I think the #1 mistake parents make with a toddler is over explaining keep it short. for example a firm “you may NOT bite, bitting hurts” set her down & ignore for 15minutes minimum. I could give you lots of other suggestions but time doesn’t allow… DONT feel like a bad mom, we ALL get frustrated & fed up. Even the perfect soccer mom who won’t admit it. Just take a deep breathe and start over. If you feel you got out of line apologize & move on…remember she is watching how you react to stress to learn how she is to react. I have 4 kids 5&under, and have also done daycare…believe me I know it’s easy to loose control of a situation! I wish you luck, I hope you buy the book, you can find it on Amazon for cheap & really, you will feel in control again!
#5 by Amber D on June 29th, 2011
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My son is also 1 year old and I know exactly what you mean. When he’s getting into something he knows he shouldn’t, he looks at me, shakes his head no, and continues to put the electrical cord or shoe in his mouth. I read in a book that you should save your really firm raise your voice no’s for the important things, because if you are yelling all the time, they get used to it. I’ve started doing this and it actually has worked quite well for me. Also, I have started popping his bottom for certain things, but only the most important things, like when I can tell he did something out of anger, like bite me or hit me while I’m changing him or something. I also pop him when I’ve told him no at least 3 times, like standing in the tub, and he continues to do it. So far, I’ve gotten a really good response from picking my battles more carefully because before I felt like I was yelling at him all the time and it wasn’t working. I know a lot of people will disagree with me and you for popping our kids bottoms, but I think as long as they are responsive to it and understand what it is for, it’s working. Good Luck!
#6 by k on June 29th, 2011
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Honestly, I don’t think she is being a brat..she is one yr old! You can tell her yes and no but most one yr olds think its a game when the dump something on the floor, at 12 months thats when they love to dump toys out of the basket and put the toys back in. To them, food is the same. I don’t think a one yr old is walking all over you. I firmly do not agree in hitting. I agree in discipline but proper discipline. You can continually tell her no for the biting and the pinching, but these babies are still figuring things out. To them it’s something new. They don’t think hmmm I think I’m gonna be a brat and pinch everyone. They just want to do it cuz they just figured out how. As far as electric cords, don’t leave them out. If she grabs one then tell her no and put the cords UP and out of reach. She also does it for the reaction. I would just say no to the things you don’t want her to do but also keep in mind she is only one.
#7 by Nolan's mommy on June 29th, 2011
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Honestly, I only think you will be teaching her more bad habits. Hitting! It’s not acceptable for her to hit you and it’s not acceptable for you to hit her. You can lovingly discipline a child without being physical. And just because a child understands NO or that they’re not supposed to do something does not mean they have complex enough thought to know why they shouldn’t do something. My son is fourteen months old and he says no while going for something he can’t have or doing something he shouldn’t, but it’s not him walking all over me, he’s just repeating what he has heard. I think you are thinking about this wrong. A one year old is not walking all over you or controlling you. Your child loves you and loves to get a reaction from you. In time she will learn the difference from right and wrong. Spanking is not the way to teach her that. How are you supposed to teach her that she can’t hurt you when you are hurting her?
Respect is a mutual relationship. If you respect your daughter, she will learn to respect you in time.
So I realize you’re probably looking for a pat on the back here but I think you are making the wrong choice. My son has tried all of the behaviors you have listed and with time and consistency and love, he learns to move on and not do those things. She is looking for a reaction and by giving her a reaction like the one you are giving, she is only going to continue to do those things.
Your child IS NOT a brat. She is a normal child that is exploring her world and testing things out. Responding to that with hitting is only going to harm her, not help her.
#8 by Rileysmummy on June 29th, 2011
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Nolans mommy has some good points.
When you smack a child you are reinforcing the behaviour, same with biting you are teaching them that it is allowed. what would you do if your child smacked you back, you cannot very well tell them off for doing what you just did, They are too young to understand that parents can do one thing but they cannot.
Whenever she is doing something she shouldn’t give her a distraction while letting her know that no she shouldn’t do the other thing.
And when you do tell her no get down to her level and look her in the eye, this cuts out any yelling and you know you have her full attention
Do not smack her on the mouth though whatever you do.
And if she hurts you physically, let her know that it hurt and that you are sad. It will take a while, but it will happen
#9 by # 6 BEAN ON BOARD on June 29th, 2011
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The thing with disciplining a child is that ultimately it is YOU who teaches them the FINAL limit you will let them go to. The moment you spank, the child will know this is the top end of the scale because it hurts, and even if they do stop it is firstly only because they are then focusing on the pain of being hit, and not stopping for the right reason – and also the next time something happens, they will push the limits all over again until they are spanked again.
I try to put myself in my kids shoes… my 2.5 year old can do similar things to what you describe and yes, it can be seen as deliberately being naughty or going against what they have been told.
But this is a normal developmental stage they NEED to go through in order to learn independence and decision making.
An example, my daughter helped herself to the fridge and she has only just learnt how to open the door herself. She got out an egg and cracked it on the ground. I told her that if she wants something she has to ask first and asked her to help clean up the mess she made.
Five minutes later I found her in the fridge again.
Yes, I could be angry at her disobedience and spank her – OR – I could see that she is excited to feel some independence that she can do it herself. So I told her that I was so proud of her for being able to do it by herself, but again she can’t do it on her own or we might have a big mess.
I now make a point of asking her to “help” me by opening the fridge for me as much as I can. So I am allowing her to feel independent and proud of herself without turning something good into her being naughty.
She has not gone to the fridge herself ever since.
It is all about perspective and turning every negative into a positive. By looking at WHY they are doing it instead of WHAT they are doing, it changes the entire way you will deal with them.
I have 5 children aged 15,12,9,8 & 2.5 and have NEVER spanked any of them not a single time. They are not rude or disobedient or brats. They are well mannered, self disciplined young people who I am really proud of.
#10 by "Obber" on June 29th, 2011
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“But occasionally she is just being a brat on purpose.”
No.
“That’s when I feel like a broken record and I get frustrated and I spank her on her but or mouth, or hand.”
That’s Mommy losing control, not discipline. I think spanking a one-year-old is pathetic and hitting kids is a crappy form of parenting, but if you’re doing it when you’re losing your cool it’s _really_ time to find a way to handle _yourself_ better, not your kid. “I am not one to let a child walk all over me” sounds ridiculous; your daughter is barely out of infancy, not a teen-ager. You sound like you’ve been being a lousy mother and are now trying to rationalize losing your temper with a baby.
You feel lousy about this for good reason. Sorry.
