I was spanked as a kid and feel no lasting negaive effects and have a very close relationship with my parents… BUT I can’t imagine hurting my daughter (of course! She is 8 months old)… I was just wondering if you could share your method of instilling good behavior, etc. Thanks!
"How do you"–sorry if this isn’t worded well; I was in hurry typing.
I don’t mean to discipline or punish her NOW.
I am just thinking about the future.
When she does something wrong, reason with her and explain to her why what she did was wrong.
If this doesn’t work (which it won’t 100% of the time), take away things that she likes, such as toys, games, etc.
Make sure the punishment gives her the incentive to be good next time.
My parents used to spank me when I was younger, it really wasn’t effective because I didn’t mind it that much as long as I could still watch TV and play with my friends.
Take away things that she actually cares about, will make her behave better.
#1 by Grandma on November 17th, 2009
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Take away priviledges for a period of time, the length of time depending on misbehavior.
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#2 by Emerald on November 17th, 2009
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I don’t believe in spanking my daughter either but there are many other methods of discipline.
A time our chair where a naughty child has to sit for 1 minute per year old. (ie. a 5 year old will sit for 5 minutes)
Or take away their things (toys, books etc. I once took all my daughters toys for two whole days due to bad behaviour, she eventually got them back and didn’t repeat that behaviour again!)
My favourite method of dealing with my daughter who is very head strong is to talk to her. Even when she was very small (2-3 yr old) I would let her calm down after a tantrum and then sit a calmy discuss why the behaviour was not acceptable and what we can do to fix it. Hope these suggestions help!
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Experience
#3 by Thuglicious on November 17th, 2009
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Check out the books:
Parenting With love and Logic
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243614388&sr=8-1
Playful Parenting
http://www.amazon.com/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/dp/0345442865/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243614496&sr=1-1
My personal favorite: Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to love and Reason.
http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243614531&sr=1-1
One of my favorite websites:
http://www.naturalchild.com/
Remember to take what you read and morph it around how your child is. That is why I love Alfie Kohn’s book (unconditional parenting) it is a book that outlines a parenting philosophy. It does not give step by step instructions because those are unrealistic.
I congratulate you on your decision to respect your child’s rights. Good Luck!
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#4 by Judo on November 17th, 2009
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I just have been talking to them since day one. I take almost every experience and turn it into a situation that we can talk about and learn from. It has worked splendidly, and I consider myself very fortunate that it has.
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#5 by Benny C on November 17th, 2009
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When she does something wrong, reason with her and explain to her why what she did was wrong.
If this doesn’t work (which it won’t 100% of the time), take away things that she likes, such as toys, games, etc.
Make sure the punishment gives her the incentive to be good next time.
My parents used to spank me when I was younger, it really wasn’t effective because I didn’t mind it that much as long as I could still watch TV and play with my friends.
Take away things that she actually cares about, will make her behave better.
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#6 by ?.m?mm?² on November 17th, 2009
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I think you have to go with your instincts. I have a 3 year old daughter & don’t think I don’t spank her little bottom when she needs it. I also was spanked/’whipped’ as a child & I NEVER resent my mother. I don’t have psychological issues with myself, low self-esteem, or think the world hates me b/c my mom gave me whippings. I am 100% sure I deserved them, lol!! I think spanking is fine. I am old fashioned. I think you just can’t see yourself hurting your sweet baby girl, I thought that too, then she turned terrible two, haa. All jokes aside, you will just have to handle your daughter the way you feel fit.
Good Luck & Congrats on the precious girl ?
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#7 by Do your own thinking! on November 17th, 2009
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Realistic expectations and sensitivity are key.
There’re lots of people on here who want to _punish_ their two-year-olds for doing stuff like spitting water through a straw… Ridiculous. Having a two-year-old means getting the floors wet sometimes. Have a play with learning to spit water; get it out of the system. Lots of time at the park or otherwise running around/being silly/getting dirty is key. Expecting children to not behave like children results in a lot of unnecessary frustration.
Virtually all unpleasant behaviour here can be traced to a cause; it’s the outcome of frustration, not actual ‘naughtiness.’ If you pay attention you can be pretty quick with solving the problem, and most of the time it’s simple stuff like: child needs sleep, child needs food, child needs attention.
These are useful, concise pages:
"Helping Young Children Behave"
http://www.aces.edu/pubs/docs/H/HE-0719/
"Something Better Than Punishment"
http://www.aces.edu/pubs/docs/H/HE-0687/
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#8 by I LOVE my Thumbs-Down Fairy!!! on November 17th, 2009
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Discipline means guiding and teaching, and can start at any age. I have never spanked my daughter and she is 2 years old and very well behaved. I realize I can’t take ALL the credit for that (much as I would like to!), she is just a naturally good child – so far! LOL. We have never even used time-outs. We try to focus on the positive and redirect her. We also spend alot of time explaining things to her, such as why she shouldn’t do certain things. If she’s doing something she knows she’s not supposed to, for example, standing on the couch, I calmly tell her she needs to sit down before she falls and hurts herself. If she doesn’t, I tell her she will need to come off the couch if she can’t sit on it properly. And following through is critically important. If she continues to stand, I will physically remove her from the couch. She has a tantrum but it’s usually short-lived, then she moves on to something else.
Also, being a positive role model is critical. I saw a parent at the zoo who kicked his child and yelled at him not to kick his brother!!! LOL.
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#9 by Calpurnia de Copistroné on November 17th, 2009
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I use positive reinforce meant, and I also use the 2 suggestion distraction method, I ‘m not from the United States but in Aruba very rarely to parents spank. Most use the 2 suggestion distraction method.
This is primarily focused on the idea that children misbehave because they are either
1. Bored
2. curious
3. unaware that something is inappropriate.
as a result a parent should inform the child in a quick and affective way that something is inappropriate, or dangerous.
While always making eye contact. Then offer the child 2 suggestions for the child to do something safer and more appropriate.
Here is an example: My 3 year old Godson climbed on top of the kitchen counter top. Instead of spanking him and/or yelling my friend picked him up placed him on a chair explained "We do not climb on counter tops, it’s not safe for you." then she said "why don’t you ask me for something you want in the kitchen, or play with your legos." Her son looked at her and said "may I have a juice box please." and he did not climb on counter tops anymore (well at least for the rest of that day.)
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#10 by Carnie on November 17th, 2009
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ok she is 8 months old you just talk to her in a calming manner and tell her to dont do whatever she is doing. I believe she is too young to get her favorite toys and etc taking away once she gets older i would try using that method.
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#11 by Gizmo's Mom & Dad on November 17th, 2009
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I don’t believe in spanking. I did at one time, but that changed years ago….over 18 years ago. I have 7 children ranging in age from 9 years to 33 years. A couple years ago I did spank one of my children because nothing else was working and I thought maybe in this case spanking might make a difference….it didn’t. One year later, with the same child, I tried it again….still didn’t make a difference. It pretty much just proved my point that spanking doesn’t fix the problem.
I believe in positive reinforcement. No one gets hurt, no one learns to fear, no one learns to hate. Instead they learn that if they do their best and follow the rules that good things will happen.
I also believe in natural consequences…..for example, you don’t put your bike away and it gets run over or stolen, then you don’t have a bike anymore.
Time out is another good choice. Taking away privileges works pretty good too.
Every kid is different and responds differently and learns differently. You need to find what works best with your children.
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#12 by BlueBonnet on November 17th, 2009
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With time outs, denial of privelegs,
naughty step..
plus patience and understanding.
Don’t SPANK!
Spanking teaches violence, spanking should be BANNED!
It’s never right to hit a person.
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#13 by Momuvtwinboyzn1babygirl on November 17th, 2009
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I think you’ll just have to wait and see what kind of punishment will be effective for her. For example, one of my boys….we can look at him a certain way or say his name a certain way and he stops doing whatever bad he is doing and is an angel. My other son, well, you practically have to beat him within an inch of his life to even get him to acknowledge we are talking to him…just kidding….he’s just very strong willed and the only thing we have found that works with him is spanking and taking away his video games. I think our daughter may be strong willed as well…and as wrapped around my husband’s little finger as she is she will probably get away with murder. LOLOLOL
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#14 by Jamie on November 17th, 2009
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There are many valid and effective methods of punishing children, and no single one of them works well for any child. The keys as parents are to find the combination of methods that works best for each child, and to always punish calmly and lovingly, never out of anger or frustration.
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