They say there is a way to discipline a child quietly with a timeout without forcing them or making them feel like they are bad for their undesired behavior. I’m kind of stern and they are used to that. My husband says they wont listen unless he breaks the window with his voice. I’ve told him time and time again not to yell and he hasn’t lately; but I’m still dealing with the left over roost. Any clues?
I think a large part of it depends on the child themselves and your relationship with them. I have 4 girls and with the eldest, ven when she was a toddler of 2, I was able to explain to her why I was upset and what she had done wrong. She accepted her punishment and that was that. The second was totally the opposite. I would tell her off, and she would just shrug at me. She would do the same thing again and again, driving you only to distraction, So her punishments were more positive…..If she was good without being told off for two days, we’d give her a treat. It could be anything from choosing a DVD to watch to 20 mins on the computer etc. She responds very well to that. Also, lots of praise. The third, again, another kettle of fish. SHe is now 5 and you really only need to glare at her and she knows that she’s done wrong.I tell her that if she hasn’t finished whatever by the time I count to 3 thats it…..and it works…for how much longer, I don’t know!
The little one, is 2 and a half…so far, she gets told off by everyone in the family for everything. I try very hard not to shout and its really just a matter of stratagies. My husband, like yours can’t help himself and expresses himself through anger and shouting. The kids always have reacted better to me.
I do try to make the punishment fit the crime though….so if they were caught taking a sweet when they were expressly told not to, they are forbidden from sweets for a week etc, as opposed to just no TV. If ind that works, although sometimes, its hard to keep up with what the punishment was…however, I’m soon reminded by one of the girls sisters!
Good luck!
#1 by SparXX_Rules on July 12th, 2009
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it is a form of punishment so you can’t…
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#2 by Boojum on July 12th, 2009
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If you are disciplining them, shouldn’t they feel punished? Aren’t you doing it for behavior you don’t want them to repeat? And no, you don’t have to yell, you just have to mean it.
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#3 by Kate_Nowitzki on July 12th, 2009
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Show them that you two..the parents or uncles are doing the same thing like that time out you are saying and i think white lies are not bad.. make a drama! lol!
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#4 by jordanmaddassfool on July 12th, 2009
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as a child i would advise you to tell the child that they have done wrong and explain that it is wrong children are easier to explain this goodluck
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#5 by lina2ng on July 12th, 2009
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Let them set their own rules for time out. Children can be logical when you put them in a position to make decisions.
Of course you can lead them to the ‘rules’ you have already set in your mind earlier on.
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#6 by rkallaca on July 12th, 2009
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What’s most important when punishing children is to give a clear and consistent message and to NEVER, EVER discipline while angry.
If a child is getting a timeout is is because he has exhibited unacceptable behavior. This means the child is being punished. Calmly put the child in his room and explain how long the timeout is going to be. Close the door and tell the child that you will come get him/her when the time is up.
Yelling from parents should only be reserved for special occasions — like when the kid is darting in front of a car. Because otherwise the kid won’t listen ("Oh that’s Dad, he’s always yelling") when you need him to.
But don’t be a wimp. If a kid gets a time out for a half an hour, that’s a half an hour. Don’t go to the door or otherwise make the punishment go away.
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#7 by bendione on July 12th, 2009
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I think a large part of it depends on the child themselves and your relationship with them. I have 4 girls and with the eldest, ven when she was a toddler of 2, I was able to explain to her why I was upset and what she had done wrong. She accepted her punishment and that was that. The second was totally the opposite. I would tell her off, and she would just shrug at me. She would do the same thing again and again, driving you only to distraction, So her punishments were more positive…..If she was good without being told off for two days, we’d give her a treat. It could be anything from choosing a DVD to watch to 20 mins on the computer etc. She responds very well to that. Also, lots of praise. The third, again, another kettle of fish. SHe is now 5 and you really only need to glare at her and she knows that she’s done wrong.I tell her that if she hasn’t finished whatever by the time I count to 3 thats it…..and it works…for how much longer, I don’t know!
The little one, is 2 and a half…so far, she gets told off by everyone in the family for everything. I try very hard not to shout and its really just a matter of stratagies. My husband, like yours can’t help himself and expresses himself through anger and shouting. The kids always have reacted better to me.
I do try to make the punishment fit the crime though….so if they were caught taking a sweet when they were expressly told not to, they are forbidden from sweets for a week etc, as opposed to just no TV. If ind that works, although sometimes, its hard to keep up with what the punishment was…however, I’m soon reminded by one of the girls sisters!
Good luck!
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#8 by mdfalco71 on July 12th, 2009
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You need to establish with them that their actions have palpable consequences, but technically there’s no need to "break the windows with your voice."
Firstly, have a designated "Time Out" place, that they will grow to associate with the act of being disciplined. When they give you behaviour that you’re not going to accept, come down to their level, make eye contact and use a low, authoritative voice to give them a warning that if the behaviour continues – explain what the behaviour IS of course – they’ll go into Time Out in the appropriate place for one minute for every year of their life – 5-year olds go for five minutes and so on.
If the behaviour reoccurs, use the same tactic – come down to their level, eye contact, the low, authoritative voice – and put them in the Time Out place, explaining that they are to stay there for the right length of time. If they don’t, put them back, but don’t betray impatience or crumble into laughter. Same voice, but always, crucially, walk away, otherwise it becomes a game and a way of getting your attention.
If and when they complete their time in time out, go back to them and again at their level, ask for and get an apology for the behaviour. Until you get an apology, they sit there. This instils in them the idea that certain behaviours not only have actual consequences, but are not acceptable to you. once you get the apology, give hugs and cuddles, and return to life as normal.
The technique might take a while to instil, especially if they’re not used to it. There may be tantrums and screaming. Perservere and there should be no need to use the yelling voice – as you say, this isn’t ultimately terribly effective, and might give you problems later when they work out that the way to be heard is to yell louder than daddy.
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#9 by forrestgump on July 12th, 2009
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u hv already a few good answers, so i will only be adding up… i think kids also observe us (doing, talking) things, so they take our words as what fits in their little brains what it might be meaning… time outs are good, but shouting showing anger is not, silent anger sometimes is more effective, just try…. sure every kid is different, but still every kid is small and kid, so we need to explain, make things easy to understand…..Why they make mistake (mostly) because they do wrong before they knew(taught, learnt, observed, read…) what otherwise was right…. they are very smart people, smarter than us…. so the secret why some kids make less irritation & mistake is that they know before situations demand/ happen to them… w must therefore know how to keep them more informed than the situations can demand…. lets help them….
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#10 by MommaToldMeNotToCome on July 12th, 2009
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You can both sit down together with the children (it they are old enough), and have a family council. Talk over punishments with them. Ask them what they think a fair punishment (or consequence if you prefer) would be for certain misdemeanors. Children are often harder on themselves than a parent would ever dream of being. Set a few ground rules and then stick to them! It will take awhile. Anything effective has to be worked out and refined until it is the right fit for a family. You can add other conditions as needed. If they are too little for now to be part of the decision making, keep the consequences short and simple. Ten minutes in their room sitting quietly on their bed, is ample for three to four year olds. When they come out, make them apologize for their actions so the reason for being disciplined is reinforced in their minds. Good luck!
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#11 by ninn09262 on July 12th, 2009
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Time out is a form of discipline…meaning punishment.
If your children are younger and you don’t want it to seem like a punishment, try ‘time away.’ This means that you don’t let them do the activity or play with the toy that got them in trouble for the rest of the day, but you distract them with something else. When they ask to do the thing they got in trouble for, say, "No, you cannot do that until tomorrow."
If this is time-out for a fit or some other thing like that, it’s better just to let them feel punished. How else will they learn?
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#12 by mrs.izabel on July 12th, 2009
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Time out is a form of punishment. Punishment means that it decreases the frequency of a behavior. If your child is throwing things around and you put them on time out for it, the time out should decrease the chances that your child will throw things the next time. If you don’t want your child to feel like he’s not bad, and that’s it’s just the behavior that’s bad, you have to explain that at the end of the time out. Tell your child why he was put on time out and that if he does the same bevior again, that he will be put back on time out.
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#13 by nunya on July 13th, 2009
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Time-out is a punishment. Children need to be punished for doing bad things. That’s how they learn not to do bad things. Make sure you let them know that they are good kids that did a bad thing. Nobody likes disciplining their children, but it must be done. Stand firm. It is how we make our little dumplings functioning members of society.
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