This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010 and is filed under Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
@lnd3005 I am not saying all parents are virtuous. I am saying that the motive to be a good parent is up there with the motive to survive. Of course if a parent is mentally ill or using drugs, then all their instincts (survival and parenting) go down the tubes. But the major reason for parental failure is parenting is something you have to figure out.
@givebirthathome when you’ve had bad parenting, its the most painful thing you can experience. But the truth is, when you’ve really faced it, which takes alot of courage many people don’t want to admit they don’t have….you heal, and when you heal, you do see “they did the best they could”….meanwhile, for some folks, their parents may still be such toxic people they can’t have anything/much to do with them. But people shouldn’t cheat themselves of their own healing, by quick&dirty blame.
@givebirthathome With the bulk of our congress saying they couldn’t penetrate the lying “weapons of mass destruction” propaganda coming from the executive, do we really expect parents to completely wend their way through childrearing “experts” who are just as crazy as the rest of society?
So, I’m just advocating balance. ..yes, some parents haven’t tried to do much, yes, other parents, who may not have done a very good job, DID do the best they could. Let’s not fool ourselves…
@spiralpasta Thanks. Stefan is the parent of a young child. He makes a good point that to not even trying to be conscious is certainly not “the best that you could do”, and
alot of people are making this mistake.
With a child growing, the fact is, you will make many mistakes before you can figure things out . Sadly, with several families, the difference btwn 1st & 2nd in favor of the second, seemed to really bear this out. Also read Paolo Freire on poverty and learning.
@rollsthepaul by “Web Bots” I think you mean the “Web Bot Project” run by Ure and High. If so, please know that this is a commercial venture with monetary motives and a very dodgy track record.
@givebirthathome I’d guess that Stefan was either trying to address a wider audience by not getting into that tangent or that he’s not an parent himself and therefore hasn’t done those bits of research.
But, I think he’d agree that, when it came time to “study” to be a parent, simply “trusting” the experts and considering that “good enough” and “the best that you could do” wouldn’t really make the mark.
Not on topic here, but wondering when the videos will come regarding real-world transition from statist society to non-statist society. We can’t just *blink* ourselves into a new paradigm.
love that, people always attempt to ignore the personal, skip to the universal.
hehehehe, wouldn’t that be great, do as i say, not as i do!
separates the adults from the children, dont it? heheheh
Well, there are alot of good things out there on parenting now…Aletha Soulter, Faber and Mazlish, etc. But…we should not forget that one of the main things that made the world a worse place, was parents believing experts, and adopting drugged birth, formula, separate sleeping, “leaving children to cry it out”, etc.
@areyoulookinatmepal1 — There is a problem that many have understanding that. ‘Honor’ is *NOT* submitting/acquiescing to their whims. “Honor” is defined as:
–noun
1. honesty, fairness, or integrity in beliefs and actions.
2. a source of credit or distinction.
3. high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank.
[...]
–verb (used with object)
13. to hold in honor or high respect.
14. to treat with honor.
15. to confer honor or distinction upon.
[...]
@Iseeyoursoul I agree that they’ll reenact what they’ve experienced and should question their parents’ methods. But unlike some people who don’t believe it’s okay to spank kids or stuff like that, I think kids should be disciplined. Every time I see a self absorbed person with little respect for others I thank the fact that my parents were rough enough with me to castigate me, but also loved me and made sure that my discipline wasn’t at all abusive. There’s a big difference there.
@flexorder I think you’re making a terrible mistake. It could very well be argued that parents determine the future outcomes of their children whether they are “too stuck on it” or not.
@viehe69 I was not debating him, and I don’t think you can debate with people’s emotional defenses.This argument is extremely explosive to people whos parents where abusive/neglectful, while I do not accept or condone abusive language I do have empathy for someone who is being exposed to these ideas maybe the first time.And the fact that he engaged in abusive language and emotional defenses shows what kind of parents he had.It is your choice to not engage,but name calling(troll) does not help.
Web Bots have predicted a “tipping point” for Nov. 8-11, 2010. The last tipping point was Sept. 11,2001 and Web Bots predicted it, accurately, 95 days before it happened. The upcoming one will differ, inasmuch as it will be “much bigger”, in terms of impact worldwide. It will be greater than all of the false flags, false wars, assassinations, economic terrorism, financial terrorism, fraudulent elections etc., of the past 60 years combined. Obama has arranged to be in the Orient Nov 4-14. Think.
This is a great point, mainly to be applied for this and future generations of parents. Personally I see that there was not so much freedom of information such as the internet for past generations of parents. Secondly, embarking on the hellish attempt to get elder past-parents, stuck in their ways to admit they failed at making the best of their potential parenting skills, to me, is pointless because the damage is done. However the current and future parents have NO EXCUSES from here on in.
I agree 100%! I love my parents, but I’m fully aware that they failed me as such and I would never follow their example. And I’ll not make any excuses for them either. It took me years to unload all the emotional damage I suffered. I feel free today, including free to recognize their mistakes so I won’t repeat them in my own life. In that light I can say they taught me valuable lessons.
@usernameted1
absolutely. more power to you in engaging people like him. I don’t enjoy wasting my time debating with irrational, hateful people, but kudos to you if you can make a difference…
you pass the 18th centuary drama reading award , great delievery and good points also , for me the easiest way to pass the parenting exam is , not have kids
#1 by DaveDoggOwns on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@scotchrks “I did the best that I chose to do as an adult” is just a BS wuss statement.
#2 by scotchrks on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
Instead of saying “I did the best I could”, how about: “I did the best that I chose to do as an adult”?
#3 by cynthiaall on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@lnd3005 I am not saying all parents are virtuous. I am saying that the motive to be a good parent is up there with the motive to survive. Of course if a parent is mentally ill or using drugs, then all their instincts (survival and parenting) go down the tubes. But the major reason for parental failure is parenting is something you have to figure out.
#4 by givebirthathome on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@givebirthathome Stefan’s said something valuable here, as usual, but I know darn well, how it can be misused.
#5 by givebirthathome on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@givebirthathome when you’ve had bad parenting, its the most painful thing you can experience. But the truth is, when you’ve really faced it, which takes alot of courage many people don’t want to admit they don’t have….you heal, and when you heal, you do see “they did the best they could”….meanwhile, for some folks, their parents may still be such toxic people they can’t have anything/much to do with them. But people shouldn’t cheat themselves of their own healing, by quick&dirty blame.
#6 by givebirthathome on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@givebirthathome With the bulk of our congress saying they couldn’t penetrate the lying “weapons of mass destruction” propaganda coming from the executive, do we really expect parents to completely wend their way through childrearing “experts” who are just as crazy as the rest of society?
So, I’m just advocating balance. ..yes, some parents haven’t tried to do much, yes, other parents, who may not have done a very good job, DID do the best they could. Let’s not fool ourselves…
#7 by givebirthathome on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@spiralpasta Thanks. Stefan is the parent of a young child. He makes a good point that to not even trying to be conscious is certainly not “the best that you could do”, and
alot of people are making this mistake.
With a child growing, the fact is, you will make many mistakes before you can figure things out . Sadly, with several families, the difference btwn 1st & 2nd in favor of the second, seemed to really bear this out. Also read Paolo Freire on poverty and learning.
#8 by spiralpasta on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@rollsthepaul by “Web Bots” I think you mean the “Web Bot Project” run by Ure and High. If so, please know that this is a commercial venture with monetary motives and a very dodgy track record.
#9 by spiralpasta on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@givebirthathome I’d guess that Stefan was either trying to address a wider audience by not getting into that tangent or that he’s not an parent himself and therefore hasn’t done those bits of research.
But, I think he’d agree that, when it came time to “study” to be a parent, simply “trusting” the experts and considering that “good enough” and “the best that you could do” wouldn’t really make the mark.
#10 by OregonCoastGhost on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
Not on topic here, but wondering when the videos will come regarding real-world transition from statist society to non-statist society. We can’t just *blink* ourselves into a new paradigm.
#11 by ventper on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
love that, people always attempt to ignore the personal, skip to the universal.
hehehehe, wouldn’t that be great, do as i say, not as i do!
separates the adults from the children, dont it? heheheh
great episode stefan!
#12 by givebirthathome on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
Well, there are alot of good things out there on parenting now…Aletha Soulter, Faber and Mazlish, etc. But…we should not forget that one of the main things that made the world a worse place, was parents believing experts, and adopting drugged birth, formula, separate sleeping, “leaving children to cry it out”, etc.
#13 by LTBL88 on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@Iseeyoursoul Yeah, have you read any of alice miller or arthur janov’s books
#14 by OneWingedShark on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@areyoulookinatmepal1 — There is a problem that many have understanding that. ‘Honor’ is *NOT* submitting/acquiescing to their whims. “Honor” is defined as:
–noun
1. honesty, fairness, or integrity in beliefs and actions.
2. a source of credit or distinction.
3. high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank.
[...]
–verb (used with object)
13. to hold in honor or high respect.
14. to treat with honor.
15. to confer honor or distinction upon.
[...]
It is obvious #14 & #2 is what is meant.
#15 by TheZetz on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@Iseeyoursoul I agree that they’ll reenact what they’ve experienced and should question their parents’ methods. But unlike some people who don’t believe it’s okay to spank kids or stuff like that, I think kids should be disciplined. Every time I see a self absorbed person with little respect for others I thank the fact that my parents were rough enough with me to castigate me, but also loved me and made sure that my discipline wasn’t at all abusive. There’s a big difference there.
#16 by andrewh817 on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@flexorder I think you’re making a terrible mistake. It could very well be argued that parents determine the future outcomes of their children whether they are “too stuck on it” or not.
#17 by usernameted1 on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@viehe69 I was not debating him, and I don’t think you can debate with people’s emotional defenses.This argument is extremely explosive to people whos parents where abusive/neglectful, while I do not accept or condone abusive language I do have empathy for someone who is being exposed to these ideas maybe the first time.And the fact that he engaged in abusive language and emotional defenses shows what kind of parents he had.It is your choice to not engage,but name calling(troll) does not help.
#18 by kittencartman on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@MarmaladeINFP Indeed!
#19 by rollsthepaul on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
Web Bots have predicted a “tipping point” for Nov. 8-11, 2010. The last tipping point was Sept. 11,2001 and Web Bots predicted it, accurately, 95 days before it happened. The upcoming one will differ, inasmuch as it will be “much bigger”, in terms of impact worldwide. It will be greater than all of the false flags, false wars, assassinations, economic terrorism, financial terrorism, fraudulent elections etc., of the past 60 years combined. Obama has arranged to be in the Orient Nov 4-14. Think.
#20 by ProjectEndure on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
This is a great point, mainly to be applied for this and future generations of parents. Personally I see that there was not so much freedom of information such as the internet for past generations of parents. Secondly, embarking on the hellish attempt to get elder past-parents, stuck in their ways to admit they failed at making the best of their potential parenting skills, to me, is pointless because the damage is done. However the current and future parents have NO EXCUSES from here on in.
#21 by christinabreault on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
I agree 100%! I love my parents, but I’m fully aware that they failed me as such and I would never follow their example. And I’ll not make any excuses for them either. It took me years to unload all the emotional damage I suffered. I feel free today, including free to recognize their mistakes so I won’t repeat them in my own life. In that light I can say they taught me valuable lessons.
#22 by viehe69 on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@viehe69
oh, did he stop by for any rational discourse, by the way? Just curious if I was mistaken or not.
#23 by viehe69 on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
@usernameted1
absolutely. more power to you in engaging people like him. I don’t enjoy wasting my time debating with irrational, hateful people, but kudos to you if you can make a difference…
#24 by UrbanNiche on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
Stefan has made a great point again, thanks Stefan.
#25 by jmm1233 on November 3rd, 2010
Quote
you pass the 18th centuary drama reading award , great delievery and good points also , for me the easiest way to pass the parenting exam is , not have kids