I’m just curious how other people do this or if there is even a decision at all. My husband and I have two totally different ideas of parenting but somehow we do pretty good together through compromise and strategy.
So, how do you make parenting decisions? Does one person do the majority of the parenting? Do you even discuss parenting with your significant? I’m just curious! Thanks!
One more question–are your kids involved in parenting decisions?
#1 by Adult Toy Parties By Emily on November 26th, 2010
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Well I don’t have any kids, but my parents were great. I have this one little tidbit to pass on: never contradict each other in front of the kids. If your husband issues some form of discipline and you don’t agree (or vice versa), wait until after you are alone to discuss, and then make changes to your tactics in private. Contradicting each other in front of your kids will result in a lack of respect for one parent over the other. If my mom thought my dad was too hard on our punishment, they discussed it alone and usually later my groundation period was shortened or I got certain priveledges back, etc. Good luck!
#2 by semj on November 26th, 2010
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my sons dad and i are seperated, but still communicate regularly for the benefit of our son, and when we’ve had to make specific decisions, we’ve talked about it and listened to each others opinions, decided which we both thought would work, tried it and if it didn’t work, try the next thing.
I think its best to both contribute, and different ideas can work together with compromise.
#3 by paperpenandtea on November 26th, 2010
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First of all, kids can have an opinion, that doesn’t mean that they get a vote. Always remember that. The parents only make the decisions. They can base them on whatever they want but kids don’t get to vote.
Secondly, it’s very important for people to discuss parenting ideas, at least before you have kids and even before you get married. You can’t just wing things like this. People have very strong opinions! You can’t easily sway each other from one side to the other. If a person seems to be the polar opposite of you, trying to raise kids together will be very difficult.
Once you have kids though, I don’t know what you do. The kids are going to see this and know who to go to to get what they want unless mom and dad can back each other 100%.
#4 by Grad on November 26th, 2010
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Im the the supervisor and my significant other is the enforcer. But we are on the same page for the most part in what direction we wanted our kids raised.
#5 by Joan R on November 26th, 2010
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Well I raised my boys alone and while in many ways that put a lot of pressure onto me on the other hand it did mean that I didn’t have to have the sort of discussions that I *know* that my parents had after we were (supposed to be!) in bed regarding our upbringing.
My parents always presented a “united front” to us – I could give numerous examples but my brothers could never appeal to my Mother when my Father had decided something for them even though they sensed (correctly) that she didn’t entirely agree.The same was with me as regards my Father (who did “favour” me – and my brothers didn’t mind as they were older!) if I wanted to appeal against one of my Mother’s decisions.
If your “compromise and strategy” are working then well done you (both of you).
When you ask about children’s involvement – well when I was growing up our parents’ (and in particular my Mother’s who was at home most of the time) word was Law and that was that but there were discussions sometimes around the Family table in which we could all have a say.
I had four boys to raise on my own and I must admit that I laid down quite strict rules and that was that but that was due to our Family circumstances – we only had a two bedroomed house for instance so bedtimes had to be rigidly adhered to and they all had to go up at the same time or,later,the elder had to make sure that they crept into the bottom bunks (after the younger were old enough to move into the top ones) quietly after cubs and ,later,get up quietly in order to do their paper rounds without waking the others (or me next door!).
Anyhow it all worked out and I feel that they learnt a sense of responsibility to others but – and I don’t apologise for this – I expected my boys to do as I asked without question most of the time from a young age and any discussion could come later and only then if there was time to have it.
There is no blueprint over this to be read in a “parenting” book or on the internet – it depends on the individual Family circumstances.
Keep up the good work!
Best wishes,
Joan.
#6 by mgnavadomskis on November 26th, 2010
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We talk to each other about parenting all of the time. We listen to each other’s observations, opinions & ideas with respect for each other as parents.
We are split-shift parenting – work on opposite shifts & take turns with the kids. So, neither of us makes more parenting decisions – we work together and independently.
We listen to the kids, how they feel, where they’re going, what they think, then bring that information into our discussions with each other (and into our individual decisions).
#7 by Ny_attitude on November 26th, 2010
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Our son has autism- and I make the parenting decisions- the routines, the patterns, the choices, etc. My husband and I discuss and communicate a lot- but he always says he follows my lead.
With our daughter- who is 13 months old- that is more shared. Do we treat them differently? Nope…but he is doing with her what I did with our son early on and it’s working there for her as well. It’s sort of hard to explain I guess, but my husband generally follows my lead on things.
#8 by susanevans2539 on November 26th, 2010
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i have 3 kids with someone else and 1 with my man now.honestly i make the calls on all 4 and he is the back up
#9 by olschoolmom on November 26th, 2010
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I think being so different, is great as so long as your not fighting over who’s right. I personally think since I am the mom and I get the kids all day, that when dad comes home, I should let him be dad. He plays rough at times, and will do some things that make me bit my lip, but I know the kids are enjoying his company, and I think it’s best to just let him have his time with them. Same goes with discipline and punishment. I don’t think I’ve ever stepped in when he’s made a decision to punish (unless I feel he is misunderstanding, or I know something that may change his mind).
In general we talk about everything openly. If I didn’t like something he did, I’ll say it, and vice versa. Just not in front of the children. I don’t like to let them see us fight. Especially when it comes to discipline. Naturally the kids will side with the parent who is asking for leniency (memories from my childhood, lol)
Talking and compromise is the key to a happy marriage, and journey through parenthood.
#10 by Gin A on November 26th, 2010
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We discuss and compromise luckily for the most part we agree on the major ones, its the little things like movies and sleep overs that we have to really talk out.
As our daughter has gotten older and can win an arguement like a seasoned lawyer lol we let her have her two sense in the discussion. Shes 8.
#11 by angelbaby on November 26th, 2010
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I am a single parent, so the one benefit is that what I decide goes, and I have no one to argue about it with. I think about the ‘what-ifs’ should I get married one day, and the subject you brought up is one that I get scared about. I am just as curious to find out exactly how I would handle those things with a husband. My parents always seemed to be on the same page with things. I don’t remember them disagreeing on how to raise us kids. That’s something that I hope to have one day if I have a husband. Right now it’s hard to imagine, cuz I’m so used to being the only parent.