Discipline

5 Comments

• #1 by N. Lee on June 29th, 2010

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  This is not a parenting style or system for everyone. With all parenting books, you must pick and choose, taking what you like and leaving the rest. I have read other “discipline” books, most of which are very different from this one, and I have learned things from everything I have read. However, this is one of the few books that resonated with me.

  I noticed that many parents (present company included) didn’t enjoy disciplining their kids. As parents, it is easy to become locked in power struggles with our kids. Based on my observations, I was looking for a book that endorsed a less punitive and more egalitarian approach to the disciplining and training of children. This book approaches disciplining as character-building. In other words, the goal of discipline is to “build up” a child, instead of pushing or even shaming a child into behaving a certain way.

  There are many important messages in this book, several of which are: balance firmness with kindness; watch what messages your actions and words are sending to your kids; don’t expect too much or too little from your child, developmentally; and disciplinary consequences should be related, respectful, and reasonable.

  Part One gives a good overview of the authors’ approach, as well as a concise explanation of pertinent topics such as the roots of poor self-esteem and acting out in anger. Sometimes there was a “cliff notes” feel to this section, but that was OK because Part Two seemed to be the “meat” of the book. My degree is in psychology, so I can say with confidence that this section was based on solid psychology, albeit particular branch(es) of psychology. If you look at parenting as a two-way transformative process, you will learn something about yourself through this section.

  Part Two is the “A to Z” part of the book. There are many helpful tips on a wide range of discipline issues. The authors emphasize verbal reasoning and consensus-building. They offer suggestions about more physical forms of discipline, but they do not recommend spanking.

  One note to the prospective buyer: this book is geared toward the older toddler and up (most of the time, the suggestions begin at 2 years of age). There are companion books for 0-3 years and teenagers, so if your kids fall into those categories, you might want to look at the other books as well.
  Rating: 5 / 5

• #2 by Anonymous on June 29th, 2010

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  I make sure my student’s parents have this book when they arrive in class! This book is like a dictonary for parents! A-Z literally, each alphabet has a few chapters dedicated to the most common problems parents and teachers face.

  Why is this book so helpful? 1)It guided me to the rehlm of a child’s thinking pattern 2)It helped me involve my student’s in my own thinking pattern 3)It offers solutions!

  The solutions are easy to apply, with work of course, and are realistic. I left the book with one main idea..that is..Its all about the attitude. How much do you want to change your habits and work on them? So your children, neices, nephews ect.. will notice the “reaction” you offer them and they will change too based on the descions you decide to present to them! (With action of course)

  This book is easy to read, wonderful to share, and both mommy and daddy should read it together and involve the whole family in providing a secure, loving and peaceful home!
  Rating: 5 / 5

• #3 by Anonymous on June 30th, 2010

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  As a mother of three and one who differs greatly with my husband about discipline, this book is a wonderful tool to use. With two teen-agers and one who thinks she is, I find this book extremely helpful (even with my husband and in all honesty, for myself as well). Great reading, easy!
  Rating: 5 / 5

• #4 by M. Heiss on June 30th, 2010

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  Since reading this book (~30 days ago), I have put three suggestions into play at our house.

  1) “I notice…” As in, “I notice it took you 15 minutes to brush your teeth. Do you want to tell me about that?” Followed up with listening. Or, “I notice that you have not eaten your carrots. What is your plan?” My very verbal four-year-old has started saying it to me — wow! He said, “Mommy I notice that you forgot to read me a story. I want to choose it today.”

  2) Choices. As in, “Good morning, darling! (hug) You told me you’d like to make your own lunch today. You can choose to get ready for school quickly and come make your lunch, or you can take your time and I will make it all by myself. I’ll start making lunches at 7:15. I love you, sweetie! (kiss) Don’t forget breakfast is at 7:30! Yumm yumm!” Or like this, with a pre-schooler: “Tomorrow is crazy-shirt day at school. Do you choose this shirt or this shirt? Great choice! I’ll hang it on your hook so you can get ready all by yourself in the morning.”

  3) Make sure you are in the same room before making requests of children. I have mentally added (“or husband”) at the end of that statement. This has cut down on a lot of me repeating myself, which makes me a happier mom!

  The whole act-don’t-talk philosophy is lovely. I’m getting a lot of mileage out of it. And I use this phrase all the time: “You kids are very creative. I’m sure you’ll imagine a way to get that done. I can’t wait to hear how you work it out!” It has put a quick stop to tattling and arguing.

  As a rule, I believe that parents need to be in charge at home. Parents set the tone for the whole family. This book will help you do that.
  Rating: 4 / 5

• #5 by S. Holland on June 30th, 2010

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  I was a bit skeptical at first, wondering how a Q and A format could possibly be sufficient. Would the book be full of pithy, useless, empty, overly-general advice? No, in fact, it gets right to the point and is relevant and helpful. I’m very impressed with the thoughtful discussion of many of the most difficult parenting problems. It has become on of the first places I turn for advice.

  More importantly, because it is quick and easy to read, my husband is willing to read it too, which helps us stay on the same page when it comes to discipline.
  Rating: 5 / 5