Do you think it is less effective or undermines the other if one parent spanks, for example, and the other uses time out? (Not to bring up the debate on spanking, please, it is just an example).
I don’t think parents have to use the same punishment as long as the child knows there is SOME punishment for X-action. My husband is much quicker to yell and spank than I am. When he gets on them, they know they’re REALLY in trouble. I’ll holler and spank as needed, but not nearly as much as he does. Our kids mind and respect us both.
#1 by rebbyshy1 on August 26th, 2009
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no because if they used it on both kids and it doesn’t work for one kid then it is wise to find something else that does work or else the behavior might not get better or it can get worse
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#2 by ?Texas Mommy? on August 26th, 2009
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Do I think it’s important for parents to use the same general techniques? Yes. I think both parents should be on the same page as far as rules, enforcing rules and acceptable consequences for the home goes.
However, I don’t think it has to be exact all the time.
Example: my husband spanks and I don’t. I don’t do it because I have temper problems and I do not want to risk losing my cool to the point of spanking out of frustration. My husband on the other hand can put his anger/frustration from our kids’ action aside a lot better than I can so he can maintain his cool enough to carry out a spanking. It’s a very rare consequence. But over all we are on the same page as far as rules, enforcing the rules, and agreed consequences we find acceptable for our kids. (Sorry about brining up the debate, lol. I just had to make a point).
From parent to parent you are going to have differences though. My husband is a bit more strict where I as I am a little more "choose your battles" type person.
We talk to our kids, we keep as cool of a tone as we can, we make a point to have a teachable moment and there is sometimes where it’s necessary to have a consequence. We both see eye to eye on that.
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#3 by Empowering Parents on August 26th, 2009
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It is very important that you both get on the same page and discipline using the same techniques. It does you both no good to undermine each other.
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http://www.empoweringparents.com/parenting-forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=334&view=next
#4 by Is preggo with a nameless child on August 26th, 2009
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I don’t think parents have to use the same punishment as long as the child knows there is SOME punishment for X-action. My husband is much quicker to yell and spank than I am. When he gets on them, they know they’re REALLY in trouble. I’ll holler and spank as needed, but not nearly as much as he does. Our kids mind and respect us both.
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#5 by Val. on August 26th, 2009
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There needs to be some type of general agreement and methods. There was a question that i just saw where the mom put the kid in time out and then the dad came in and put him back in time-out. That confuses the kid. There needs to be some type of "togetherness" so that kids can realize they can’t get through one parent because that parent doesn’t spank. My husband and i both use the same methods, we consult each other if something bigger needs to be done. My husband is a bit stricter and he is the one that usually spanks when it needs to be done.
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#6 by R on August 26th, 2009
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My parents were polar opposite in punishment. What needs to be the same is reason for a punishment/discipline. Parents need to decide what behavior is and is not tolerated and there needs to be consequences.
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#7 by Jeff N on August 26th, 2009
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What is most important is that both agree to discipline for the same offense. Which technique is used can be immaterial. Moms tend to ground and dads tend to spank. That may be a factor in to whom a kid admits misbehavior, but punishment should be forthcoming from EITHER parent.
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