9 Comments

• #1 by BriarKat on June 16th, 2009

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  I take away privileges.
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• #2 by Elliot on June 16th, 2009

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  a belt always works
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• #3 by j1 on June 16th, 2009

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  Well, taking things she likes away may work. Start some kind of reward system for when she does good things (like maybe doing chores around the house all week, not back talking, will earn her a reward–maybe a personal pan pizza or SOMETHING of your/her choice). When she back talks or does something against the rules, you take away some of her reward points. Sure it might be like a little bit of bribery, but it always worked on me. Other than that, I've got nothing. Good luck hun!
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  1 on the way!

• #4 by Julianna P on June 16th, 2009

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  Instead of discipline, try positive reinforcement. Make a chart of things you would like her to do (ie: chores, no talking back, being nice to siblings, etc). If she does what she is supposed to put a sticker on the chart for that day. If she doesn't she doesn't get the sticker. At the end of the week, if she has 6 out of 7, or 5 out of 7 (whatever works best for you), she earns a prize. Whether it be a toy, a trip to the zoo, something she does not normally get, something exciting for her to work towards.
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• #5 by Gothic Momma on June 16th, 2009

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  Lol, I know how you can feel at times and I have a 2 year old! I believe first and foremost that with any disciplinary measure you should also talk to and teach your child along with their consequence so they can learn from their mistake as well. And also do nothing out of anger or while you are angry, as it can escalate into something that spirals out of control.

  For grade schoolers, no time out does not always work.
  -Try assigning a particular chore that is not exactly pleasant such as scrubbing the tub or floor or raking the yard.
  -A money jar can be a neat tactic. Every time they misbehave they have to give .50 cents to the jar or something to that effect.
  -Having them lose a particular privilege or favorite item is an age old tool and works wonders if you remove the right thing.
  -Have them do a "community service" of some type, like helping an elderly neighbor with yard work or cleaning up the yard of debris.
  -And a favorite of my husband's as an Army war veteran is yard drills (meaning something like a front leaning rest position). Those are for the kids who are older (8+). It's creative on my husband's part for a guy *giggle*.

  You can do a reward chart, but I think children should be good because it's the right thing to do not because they will get a reward for behaving well (just my opinion). Just as some here will say that children should do the right thing because it's the right thing and not for fear of punishment, except that in the real world you don't get a cookie or prize for doing the right thing, but you DO get consequences from doing the wrong thing.

  There are lots of creative things to do and a lot of old fashioned measures that work great too. Good luck and I hope I helped some.
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• #6 by Me, Myself & I on June 16th, 2009

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  OMG it is very tempting some days. I have a 9 yr old in 3rd grade and the only thing that works is taking away her privilages, no tv no playing outside (although i find this actually punishes her dad and I instead) I also make her write sentences explaining what she is in trouble for and how she can fix it. This works amazingly well with her becuz i put it up on the fridge for a few days and everytime i start getting that adorable little attitude i refer her to what she has written asking her if she wants to rewrite it. Which she never does. Time out is a joke but standing in the corner reciting her spelling words for the week or her times tables outloud works and she is studying at the same time. I also when she gets pretty much at my breaking point inform her that I NEED A TIME OUT and go in my room and forbid her from bothering me ( i get 30 mins in time out cuz im 30) it is amazing ho wmuch better you can approach a situation when you cool off like that. When i come out of my time out i ask her if she knows why i went to time out. Most of the time she does, when she doesn't i tell her the reason (example being she has been being very rude all day or talking back etc).
  PS I do not help eher with the spelling on the writing becuz it is in her words. I dont care if it is spelled right as long as she knows what it says. As someone else stated I do not reward her daily for good behavior I do however have a point system. For example 50=ice cream treat. But she earns points vs allowance and she can loose them for bad behavior the only way she can earn them is by doing her daily chores.. she gets 5 pts a day for taking out the trash each chore has a point value. 1 point a day for keeping up with her room. Just remembered this and thought i would add it.
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  Mom to a wild 9 yr old daughter but love her all the same lol.

• #7 by lauren <3 on June 16th, 2009

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  my mom pulls hair.
  and it works.
  she also sits them in "the chair"
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• #8 by rainwriterm on June 16th, 2009

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  There are a couple of things that I have found almost always work. First, set the limits, make sure your kids know the limits, then enforce them. You might think I'm missing the idea, but let me explain. Enforcing the limits mean that you don't let things slide, give warnings for behavior they already know is wrong, don't repeat yourself to avoid giving them consequences, etc. Say exactly what you mean, and then do it.

  Also, I have found that using the natural and logical consequences works really well, but not for every situation. If you have a problem with your kids cleaning their bedrooms, let them not clean their bedrooms and point out the consequences of that. "Oh, you can't find your favorite shirt/toy/whatever because your room is a mess. What can you do to fix that? Yes, cleaning it would help." If they won't take out the garbage, leave it there. When you have two garbage bags full in the kitchen, you can point that out. "There's a lot of garbage in here, and you're right, it looks gross and is starting to smell because you didn't take it out. How are we going to fix that?" You won't want to do this every time, but this works to teach them that certain things are their responsibility. Now, if you are setting the limit at their rooms need to be cleaned before bed, you are going to have to enforce that. Tell them the limit, give them a couple of choices inside of that limit, and then enforce it. "You need to have your room cleaned before bed tonight. Do you want to put your pajamas on, brush your teeth, or clean your room first?" Another type of choice could be "You can choose which to put away first, your clothes or your toys. Pick one and get going!" If it is bedtime and they haven't cleaned their rooms, follow through with that. "Oh, it's bedtime, but your room isn't clean. Looks like it's going to be a long night. Better get started so that you can go to bed soon."

  Another thing that works really well to get kids to do what you are asking/saying is a broken record technique. They need to do their homework, but won't pay attention and listen. Chances are they will try to argue/beg/bargain with you. The broken record doesn't let that happen. You say what you want them to do "You need to go do your homework now", then just repeat that when they try to argue. You are a broken record, and they aren't getting anywhere with you, so they may as well go do it.

  Mostly, I don't think discipline should be creative. It should be consistent. Another thing that may help is to make sure that the consequences you give your kids make sense. Taking away privileges doesn't make sense, unless they are the cause of the problem. If a room didn't get clean because they were watching tv instead, then taking away tv viewing for a day or so may work. BUT, if the room didn't get cleaned because they were too busy goofing off with their friends, taking away tv viewing doesn't work. It would be more appropriate to have them spend less time with friends. Kids get when things aren't related and will fight them. Back talking and ignoring almost never warrant removal of privileges, since the problem isn't with a privilege or a possession, but with an attitude. Make sense?

  Also, one idea may be to look at how you are doing time outs and try it differently. If you are using time outs as a "you did something wrong so you need to go to time out until you have thought about what you've done/are ready to apologize/until I say so because I'm in charge", you are probably doing them wrong. Time outs should be a chance for the child to get away from a situation that isn't working. It should be "you are having a hard time working with us, so you need to go sit in time out for a bit until you are ready to join us again." Time outs aren't supposed to be used as punishments.

  I'm linking to a couple of books that I highly suggest.

  If you choose to use different types of punishments and a reward system, be prepared for them to stop working. Reward charts and such get good behavior for a while, but that is because the kids are focused on the rewards. When they stop caring about the rewards or the reward isn't worth it, then it won't work. Also, what happens when you see it working and then stop offering a reward for good behavior? The kids are going to miss the reward and not behave because they aren't getting anything in return for it. So, be careful with using these. Good luck!

  Here are a few books that I would recommend. They are focused more on classroom settings, but the same principles apply.
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  "Teaching with Love and Logic" by Jim Faye and David Funk
  "Setting Limits in the Classroom" by Robert MacKenzie
  "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn

• #9 by krystal on June 16th, 2009

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  chores are always a good consequence. Make her do something that she will really dislike, ie picking up dog poop in the yard, cleaning baseboards in the house, whatever chores you can think of. I absolutely love the Love and Logic techniques taught by Jim and Charles Fay. They have some books and also some school districts offer classes that have stress free ways to discipline a child. Check them out. You can go to http://www.loveandlogic.com to order books or CD's (i recommend the CD's they are very enjoyable) or you can also go to places like ebay or overstock.com to get a cheaper price.
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