Please don’t spank your children unless there is a compelling reason to do so. If there is a compelling reason, please be sure not to spank while angry. I am becoming tired of hypocritical parents who say that they spank because the Bible says so. I’m not disagreeing with this reason, but there are so many parents who do this, but neglect other statements that are in the Bible.
How many times have you seen a child reach for something at the supermarket only to be yanked away and spanked instantly? Was the mother smiling while spanking? Of course not, usually she has a red and agitated facial expression.
Did she give herself time to cool down before spanking her child? No!
Also, the Bible says "Fathers, provoke not your children to (anger)". Have you seen cases in which children are given the "third degree" about trivial tasks and then spanked when the parent does not receive "the desired response"? I don’t understand why so many parents think that discipline is a one-way street or that the Bible gives rules that condemn kids but make the parents free to rule tyrannically. It is not so!
My parents treated me this way. They even spanked me for no reason or things that they thought that I did but I did not do. On top of that, when I ask them about these behaviors, they pretend that it never happened and say that I will go to Hell for lying.
I do not want another child to go through these things. I hope that parents consider everything carefully before spanking their children. It is better to not spank at all than to spank in error. Besides, if your child gets away with lying about one thing, will this necessarily make him/her a bad adult. I don’t think so. You have eighteen years to discipline you child, so it is quite stupid to spank hastily in error for one occasion.
#1 by babygirlz3n2 on October 19th, 2009
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talk to them..spanking teaches them nothing!
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#2 by youngmom83 on October 19th, 2009
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Talking makes them understand better, than you having to yell and scream to where they will not understand anything at all.
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25yrold Mom of two boys and 37wks along with baby boy #3!!!!
#3 by bookgrl on October 19th, 2009
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Spanking is a negative reinforcement.
Negative reinforcement, alone, ALWAYS increases a behavior.
Discipline includes standards and expectations that are clear and upfront, meaningful consequences for not following through, and rewards for compliance. If a problem arises where expectations were truly unclear, set ground rules and move forward. If the same behaviors reoccur, ensure that expectations are clear and enforce consequences. Reward all success until compliance becomes routine.
In our family, spankings are only given for lying or outright disrespect. Everything else is a punishable offense, and we are very creative with consequences that meet the "crimes". This approach sees rare re-occurrences of unwanted behavior from our 15, 13, 9, and 7 year olds.
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We used to spank regularly, but it was VERY INEFFECTIVE. The kids just tried harder not to get caught doing wrong.
#4 by Just me on October 19th, 2009
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I’m going to have to answer "both". Spanking (not beating) is necessary when a child is in a severely dangerous situation in which they create. They need to see the seriousness of it and a little talk probable won’t hit home- no pun intended. Reality discipline is also very important and it is straight forward and simple. If a child continues doing something they were told not to do, take something from them that they enjoy. Some ideas might be a favorite toy, a snack, an allowance. They will know that they made the choice to lose a privilege, and that it’s not a punishment from the parents. It’s a reality check for them. If you want good things you need to do good things. It gives the child a sense of control that is different from what they are used to.
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#5 by lovebrds@pacbell.net on October 19th, 2009
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a little of both. yes, talk to them and make them think about their actions and show them that the consequence of a negative action will result in a time out. there are times however, when a pop on the hand or butt is necessary to get their attention and let them know you are serious. when the shock of that pop wears off they will hear you loud and clear. this method is usually best for ages 2-4yrs old. by the time they are 5 and in school pops should not be necessary.
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stay at home mom to 1 girl and 2 boys
#6 by something fishy on October 19th, 2009
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you need to have rule as well as a routine and then time outs for children to think through the problem and think about a solution…being verbal and talking and explaining without to much verbage….is your best bet….but a positive parenting attitude is more effective …
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#7 by Guerin on October 19th, 2009
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I don’t think it is as black and white as spank or talk. In most cases, especially with toddlers both don’t work. Talking to a 1 year old does nothing as their vocabulary isn’t big enough to allow the communication to be effective, but spanking scares them and they just start crying.
Diversion is a good technique, removing the object, calm down time.
Basically, I don’t think one is better then the other. At times spanking maybe the most effective and at others talking maybe more effective.
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#8 by gypsyjac on October 19th, 2009
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it really depends on the child.
i dont smack my daughter, as she is upset enough by the word no lol, but i know other kids i am related to that will only listen if they are smacked. Theres only so much talking a parent can do before they try smacking- and so long as it is just smacking and not ‘hitting’ then its a case of whatever works!!
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#9 by dchavis123 on October 19th, 2009
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Talking and punishing them by removing what they love doing the most.
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#10 by Cat on October 19th, 2009
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I think spanking makes children feel scared, hurt and humiliated. It leads to a lower self esteem. Spanked children are less likely to make good judgments and decisions for themselves and usually need more adult control on their behaviour. A child can know they did something wrong because they got spanked, but they need to know why it was wrong. Regardless of whether the adult chooses to spank a child, if they never talk to the child and explain the way things work and why certain things are wrong then they are not really progressing very far and teaching very much.
A lot of parents use spanking to get the child to listen before they talk. IMO A child that needs to be spanked before they will actually listen is totally out of control.
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#11 by Homer on October 19th, 2009
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Spanking only makes them avoid things due to fear, when there’s nothing to fear what’s stopping them? Plus it doesn’t teach self discipline, which is what makes most adults behave.
If I was going to teach the child to behave I wouldn’t misbehave myself, what does it teach? Swearing’s wrong but hitting is ok.
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#12 by mygirl17973552 on October 19th, 2009
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Whatever you think is necessary. Don’t every spank your child out of anger because you can and probably will go overboard and your child your NEVER wear their punishment. Some situations call for a spanking. sorry if you don’t agree but this is my opinion. I have used spanking when necessary for my daughter and have found it to work but first i try other things time out, counting. after every punishment i talk to her and tell her i love her and explain what she did wrong and why i punished her. Parents will find what works for them and what they choose to do is their business and no one elses unless they are truly abusing their children. It’s not right to judge a parent over their parenting methods just because you don’t agree. I wouldnt judge someone so i wouldnt want someone judging me. think about it.
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#13 by Joe on October 19th, 2009
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Talking first, try to tell them why their actions are bad.
Spanking if all else fails, or if the child is doing something really dangerous.
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#14 by BMWS GOD on October 19th, 2009
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Both. First a spanking should only be done after all other methods fail. When spanking you first TALK to the child then spank then TALK again after with a kiss and a hug.
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#15 by Lealyssaria on October 19th, 2009
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Please don’t spank your children unless there is a compelling reason to do so. If there is a compelling reason, please be sure not to spank while angry. I am becoming tired of hypocritical parents who say that they spank because the Bible says so. I’m not disagreeing with this reason, but there are so many parents who do this, but neglect other statements that are in the Bible.
How many times have you seen a child reach for something at the supermarket only to be yanked away and spanked instantly? Was the mother smiling while spanking? Of course not, usually she has a red and agitated facial expression.
Did she give herself time to cool down before spanking her child? No!
Also, the Bible says "Fathers, provoke not your children to (anger)". Have you seen cases in which children are given the "third degree" about trivial tasks and then spanked when the parent does not receive "the desired response"? I don’t understand why so many parents think that discipline is a one-way street or that the Bible gives rules that condemn kids but make the parents free to rule tyrannically. It is not so!
My parents treated me this way. They even spanked me for no reason or things that they thought that I did but I did not do. On top of that, when I ask them about these behaviors, they pretend that it never happened and say that I will go to Hell for lying.
I do not want another child to go through these things. I hope that parents consider everything carefully before spanking their children. It is better to not spank at all than to spank in error. Besides, if your child gets away with lying about one thing, will this necessarily make him/her a bad adult. I don’t think so. You have eighteen years to discipline you child, so it is quite stupid to spank hastily in error for one occasion.
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