Our children are fine until we get out in public. Then knowing we can’t use a corner etc they behave terrible. What can we do?
Discipline is fine at home but it never seems to carry out the same in public. Eye contact seems to make them just turn around and be naughty. When we get home they can say exactly what they did wrong etc
You don’t say how old they are but one thing I found very useful when mine got to the age of about 7 was the threat of embarassment. We came up with a "warning" secret word that I would say if they were getting close to being in trouble. Ours happened to be "Mr. McDougal." I would casually drop it into the conversation and they knew if they didn’t straighten up, I would not hesitate to embarass them. Kids hate to be embarassed in front of others and think you won’t do it. About the second time I carried through, they got wise. What’s more, if they carried on at a restaurant, I made a point of going there again soon after and getting a sitter for the offender. I would explain that they obviously couldn’t handle themselves in that place and maybe when they grew up a little it would be better. It was especially effective when the other two got to go somewhere and the third had to stay at home with a sitter.
#1 by rd03 on July 28th, 2009
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make eye contact, and real discipline starts at home. don’t scare them to thinking oh i can do anything were behind doors. but teach them whats right from wrong. what you like what u dont. and dont give them any priveleges. but be sure to be on their side, not like ur a dictator. level eye contact, and a soothing voice.
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#2 by that boy chino on July 28th, 2009
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whup em in public with the belt like my mom did me lol
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#3 by yidlmama on July 28th, 2009
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My kids used to think it was time to misbehave when we were in grocery stores…..I only had to round them up once, leaving everything where it sat before they realized that I was serious. Often all it takes is action, one warning and then acting on it.
I know this isn’t always possible, no one wants to leave a wedding or doctor’s office…but sometimes it is inevitable.
Eye contact and getting down (physically) on their level will normally work well, at least for my kids when they were younger. I am not big on spanking in public or otherwise, but when I was a kid my mom would sometimes give a little pinch to the back of my arm. Nothing too painful, but face it….no matter who you are..it hurts enough to get attention without causing any long term pain or trauma.
As far as time-outs go, they can be done ANYWHERE!!! You do not need a corner to give a timeout. Sometimes you need to improvise…if time-outs work well for your family–use them! If you are outdoors, use a tree or a park bench. If you are in a restaurant, use a bathroom or step outside. Your children need to know that you are not confined to the walls of your home when it comes to discipline. I wish you luck!!!
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4 children of my own.
#4 by LuLu on July 28th, 2009
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I never went anywhere without "the spoon". When in public, I would simply tell my kids that they will be disciplined when we get to the car. But for the most, just KNOWING that I had "the spoon" with me was enough to keep them behaving. (For those of you having a conniption over the use of a wooden spoon . . . get over it. Bare hands are for loving your children, not for spanking them!)
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mom of 6
#5 by peewee4626 on July 28th, 2009
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Before you leave home next time, explain exactly what will happen if and when they misbehave. When they start in, IMMEDIATELY remove them from the store, restaurant, whatever, and do EXACTLY WHAT YOU TOLD THEM WOULD HAPPEN. It will be terribly inconvenient. . . but it won’t have to happen too many times to make believers out of them. And also, parenting is not a matter of convenience anyway. Don’t let the tail wag the dog! Good luck!
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Living with my parents and raising a daughter (now a wonderful young woman and mom)
#6 by explorerkade on July 28th, 2009
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It will take some improvisation, but you can continue to give time outs even at the grocery store. When the child mis behaves be very matter of fact and give the timeout, but have them sit on the floor and stand there for the time out without talking to them or looking at them.
Granted you may end up with a temper tantrum, but trust me it won’t take long for them to realize that you mean business. If you can’t take the stares of strangers (isn’t that annoying?) then take your little ones to the car for the time out. Just as effective. . .
The free giveaway at the website below will give you some good ideas to avoid the whole problem! Check it out.
Hope that helps! I’ve endured many stares myself!
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The school of hard knocks
http://www.counseling-for-moms.com
Karen DeBolt, MA
#7 by grayhare on July 28th, 2009
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Mom always took me in the public bathroom and popped my little behind. It only took a few weeks of this before all she had to do was ask if I wanted to go in the restroom and I would straighten right up!
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#8 by styree on July 28th, 2009
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DEAR MISS
SAY YOU ARE ACTING UP IN PUBLIC NOW BUT JUST
WAIT UNTIL I GET YOU HOME YOU ARE GETTING A
SPANKING BECAUSE WE DO NOT ACT LIKE THAT IN
THE STORE ARE IN PUBLIC DO UNDERSTAND MOMMY
OK BACK IN THE 1940,S 50,S 60,S 70,S 80,S YOUR
MOMMY SPANKED YOU IN THE STORE IN FRONT OF
EVERY ONE AND NO ONE EVEN QUESTION THE
PARENT DOING THE JOB AND THEN YOU GOT IT AGAIN
WHEN YOU GOT HOME NOW IT IS CALLED CHILD
ABUSE ARE CHILD ENDANGERMENT TO SPANK IN
PUBLIC PLACES NOW BOY I TELL YOU AND THEN IF
YOU WAS CRYING TO LOUD YOUR PARENTS WOULD
SAY HUSH IT UP RIGHT KNOW HOW MANY REMEMBER
THAT ONE? AND THEN ASK YOU IF YOU WANTED
SOME MORE AND YOU SAID NO DADDY ARE NO
MOMMY THEN THEY SAY I SAID YOU HUSH IT UP THEN
RIGHT NOW AND YOU WAS JUST A SNIFFING WITH
TEAR RUNNING DOWN YOUR LITTLE FACE .
TAKE CARE
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#9 by teel on July 28th, 2009
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You don’t say how old they are but one thing I found very useful when mine got to the age of about 7 was the threat of embarassment. We came up with a "warning" secret word that I would say if they were getting close to being in trouble. Ours happened to be "Mr. McDougal." I would casually drop it into the conversation and they knew if they didn’t straighten up, I would not hesitate to embarass them. Kids hate to be embarassed in front of others and think you won’t do it. About the second time I carried through, they got wise. What’s more, if they carried on at a restaurant, I made a point of going there again soon after and getting a sitter for the offender. I would explain that they obviously couldn’t handle themselves in that place and maybe when they grew up a little it would be better. It was especially effective when the other two got to go somewhere and the third had to stay at home with a sitter.
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#10 by Kim J on July 28th, 2009
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My kids know that when we are in public I discipline them the same as I would at home (mostly yelling at them). They would absolutely die if I yelled at them in public, because people would hear. Now all I have to do is look at them, that’s enough for my kids to behave (they are 9 and 13).
I’ve always followed through with my discipline, and they know that.
It’s more important to me for my kids to be disciplined, than to care what people think of me. Don’t let society decide your parenting.
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#11 by olschoolmom on July 28th, 2009
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If you can, leave the store, or what ever public place they were in. Make them pay the price when you get home. Depending on how bad they are, I’d use one of your more serious consequences such as a long time out (1 hour on the bed, depending on age) or a spanking. The fact that they can tell you what they did wrong, means they made a conscious choice to disobey you. Direct defiance in our home gets a spanking, then again I am a bit old fashioned
Just come down on them like a ton of bricks, how ever you feel comfortable, just make it serious.
Good Luck
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