Why do parents use physical discipline to discipline their children as it makes the child’s self-esteem go low?
does physical discipline make a child’s self-esteem go low? or is low self-esteem a natural part of that child’s personality? or perhaps a combination of several things, such as child’s personality &/or parent/s’ personality &/or abuse, bullying by other kids or people, so many things?
my father was physically disciplined as a child, at home & at school (corporal punishment) he was not ‘beaten’ but definately physically punished. i’ve known my father for 35yrs & he’s never had low self-esteem, even through the very distressing & sudden separation from his wife (my mother)we have always had a close relationship.
my parents both at times physically disciplined myself & 2 sisters, once again we were not ‘beaten’. one of my sister’s is much quieter & shyer than us other 2 & she was intimidated & bullied at school by a teacher & told that she would never get anywhere because she was too dumb, she has 2 degrees under her belt with honours, has spent 2yrs abroad working & travelling, is in a great marriage, has a great son, own their own home, their 2nd. i was bullied in high school. i travelled many places in australia, alone & then with my son. i became a single parent because i refuse to bow down to or stay with a man that would raise his hand at me, i stayed a single parent for 15yrs, & i am not the only one who states what a great person my child is, i even received a letter from QANTAS flight staff & pilot on my successful raising of my child. i’ve done a dozen different jobs, some that people said i couldn’t do for one reason or another, i proved them wrong. i bought my own house, that nobody else owns. i am putting myself through uni. i have recently married, & am not afraid of the challenge of the new baby that we are expecting, dispite it being nearly 17yrs since i had a baby. we are investigating new business opportunities & in the process of investing in a joint property (he has 1, i have 1 already).
my other sister was a single mum, is also putting herself through uni & is currently starting a new business. she also is in a great relationship now.
i don’t think any of us girls show any sign of being negatively affected by physical discipline, or having low self-esteem. do you?
my son & nieces & nephews are or have all been physically disciplined, not ‘beaten’, so far my nieces & nephews so far (as they are still quite young). my son who is 16 he has a sensitive nature & he hasn’t had a ‘smack’ for several years, has always been an outgoing child, does well at school, was bullied in his junior schooling years by other kids, is sporty, has started his own business at 12yr, selling our home grown fruit door to door for pocket money, then starting a lawn mowing business in our local area, designing, printing & delivering flyers, working out how much to charge, serviced his own equipment, juggled school, sporting, social, family & mowing himself. now is working for someone else, but still juggles all the other things. has a nice girlfriend & good friends that don’t peer pressure him & respect his choices & his respect for his mother & our rules. eg he was recently at a friends house, which turned into a party & alcohol was involved, my son declined even a swig of alcohol because ‘i haven’t asked my mum if i can have a drink today’, apparently that was about lunchtime, i didn’t pick him up til 7pm. low self-esteem? i think not.
so do you really think that physical discipline lowers self-esteem? perhaps you’re not focusing on what you have, what you can. positive thinking, no matter what happens to you there are positives & positives can be made out of negatives. being beaten, on the otherhand….well thats different & can very well lead to self-esteem issues, but you’ll find there’ll be other factors, not just being beaten.
#1 by sanelunatik on August 23rd, 2009
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I was physically disciplined when i was younger, and i’m just fine.
I think it is important, because it is a better way to teach consequences to actions rather than a "time out".
My self esteem is just fine, and so is my relationship with my parents. We get along like family should.
I fully agree with physical discipline, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. It helped me become the person I am. Because of it, I know that with any decision I make, there will be a consequence.
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#2 by Lisa E on August 23rd, 2009
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You’re talking about parents who consistently use physical discipline…not a parent who’s child is standing within arms reach, does something and the parent smacks them one without thinking about it.
There are WAY too many people who think discipline means ‘physical’. They think that those who choose other methods, AREN’T disciplining their kids and that’s wrong. Don’t get me wrong…you DO have to have something, and time out tends to become a joke, but please…there ARE other things besides beating on a kid, and time out.
Parents who only use physical discipline are either afraid others will think they’re too soft on their kids…or they were disciplined that way as children and can’t imagine any other way…OR…they actually think they’re ‘laying down the law’ and ‘gaining respect’….which is a complete crock.
My son is 25 years old and I never hit him. I PUNISHED him…but never physically. I was a single mom and knew that someday, he’d be bigger than me. My little physical punishment wouldn’t matter to him then. What i wanted was ACTUAL respect….not fear. Now, he’s a responsible, decent human being, so apparently physical discipline ISN’T necessary to raising decent kids.
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#3 by shawn on August 23rd, 2009
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Trust me it’s OK to spank your kids rear,,! Once to get their attention, the second time to punish! Anything more is wrong! I’m not saying bruise you kids!! But if you have kids you would understand ! I think the lack of discipline is why are kids are so BAD now days! They don’t paddle in school anymore. or at home so now the children are ruling the parents! I will never allow this in my house !! And my kids respect me , love me, and listen to me (for the most part) they are kids! I’m so sick of the sissification of America!
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#4 by Wally Y on August 23rd, 2009
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Everyone who grew up in the era I did, were smacked, spanked and whacked all the time and we grew up just fine.
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#5 by xgreen00eyezx on August 23rd, 2009
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I was spanked and sent to my room when i was little, my self-esteems great and i have a great relationship with my parents! however i would never spank my kids cuz i think its weird!!!!
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#6 by ghetto_princess283 on August 23rd, 2009
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Actually it doesn’t. I was spanked, on occasion, when I deserved it. I have very high self esteem. Just because a parent spanks doesn’t mean that they neglect their child, or that they don’t love their child as much. I’m sick of all these non-spanker’s trying to push their believes on parents who do. Why doesn’t everybody just except that some parents’ parenting techniques are different then theirs.
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#7 by flesh_of_daisy on August 23rd, 2009
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Is this what the experts tell you?
I was spanked as a child and I deserved evey one of them. Spanking didnt knock the self esteem right out of me like Oprah said. I never felt like my parents hated me when they did it. Besides some words and the way they are said can be like a punch to the face.
Now Im not for beating a child but I do spank my children.
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#8 by spiritwalker on August 23rd, 2009
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no it doesn’t, it keeps the child from becoming like all the other kids, whose parents think it’s cute for the kid to cuss people out, or to go up to an adult and hit them, because mom and dad thinks it’s funny. It is the same kids, that wind up on the news, for either killing someone, or being murdered their selves. Then you have the 11 year old wanting the schools to supply them with birth control pills because it’s ok. No one LOVES them enough to teach them right from wrong.
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#9 by David G on August 23rd, 2009
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PROVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Without discipline a child will go wild and have no self-esteem at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#10 by Hokie For Life on August 23rd, 2009
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I have a healthy self-esteem and I was spanked as a child. I admit some parents take it too far. It is up to a childs parents the way they discipline their children. I don’t spank my son, but he’s paralyzed from the waist down, so he wouldn’t feel it. I can’t tell anyone else how to discipline their child.
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#11 by karen a on August 23rd, 2009
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does physical discipline make a child’s self-esteem go low? or is low self-esteem a natural part of that child’s personality? or perhaps a combination of several things, such as child’s personality &/or parent/s’ personality &/or abuse, bullying by other kids or people, so many things?
my father was physically disciplined as a child, at home & at school (corporal punishment) he was not ‘beaten’ but definately physically punished. i’ve known my father for 35yrs & he’s never had low self-esteem, even through the very distressing & sudden separation from his wife (my mother)we have always had a close relationship.
my parents both at times physically disciplined myself & 2 sisters, once again we were not ‘beaten’. one of my sister’s is much quieter & shyer than us other 2 & she was intimidated & bullied at school by a teacher & told that she would never get anywhere because she was too dumb, she has 2 degrees under her belt with honours, has spent 2yrs abroad working & travelling, is in a great marriage, has a great son, own their own home, their 2nd. i was bullied in high school. i travelled many places in australia, alone & then with my son. i became a single parent because i refuse to bow down to or stay with a man that would raise his hand at me, i stayed a single parent for 15yrs, & i am not the only one who states what a great person my child is, i even received a letter from QANTAS flight staff & pilot on my successful raising of my child. i’ve done a dozen different jobs, some that people said i couldn’t do for one reason or another, i proved them wrong. i bought my own house, that nobody else owns. i am putting myself through uni. i have recently married, & am not afraid of the challenge of the new baby that we are expecting, dispite it being nearly 17yrs since i had a baby. we are investigating new business opportunities & in the process of investing in a joint property (he has 1, i have 1 already).
my other sister was a single mum, is also putting herself through uni & is currently starting a new business. she also is in a great relationship now.
i don’t think any of us girls show any sign of being negatively affected by physical discipline, or having low self-esteem. do you?
my son & nieces & nephews are or have all been physically disciplined, not ‘beaten’, so far my nieces & nephews so far (as they are still quite young). my son who is 16 he has a sensitive nature & he hasn’t had a ‘smack’ for several years, has always been an outgoing child, does well at school, was bullied in his junior schooling years by other kids, is sporty, has started his own business at 12yr, selling our home grown fruit door to door for pocket money, then starting a lawn mowing business in our local area, designing, printing & delivering flyers, working out how much to charge, serviced his own equipment, juggled school, sporting, social, family & mowing himself. now is working for someone else, but still juggles all the other things. has a nice girlfriend & good friends that don’t peer pressure him & respect his choices & his respect for his mother & our rules. eg he was recently at a friends house, which turned into a party & alcohol was involved, my son declined even a swig of alcohol because ‘i haven’t asked my mum if i can have a drink today’, apparently that was about lunchtime, i didn’t pick him up til 7pm. low self-esteem? i think not.
so do you really think that physical discipline lowers self-esteem? perhaps you’re not focusing on what you have, what you can. positive thinking, no matter what happens to you there are positives & positives can be made out of negatives. being beaten, on the otherhand….well thats different & can very well lead to self-esteem issues, but you’ll find there’ll be other factors, not just being beaten.
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#12 by ARG on August 23rd, 2009
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My sister in law didn’t like the idea of spanking so my nephew always got his way. Now that he is entering preschool he is hitting other kids when he isn’t getting his way. He hit a little girl really hard and i guess the preschool is discussing on whether or not to send him to a different school. He is very bad and never listens. He always yells at my sister in law in front of people and i want to pull him alside and yell at him myself. I got spanked with a belt, got soap in the mouth when i said bad things, and i turned out just fine. I learned real quick what was right and what was wrong. Nothing wrong with that. Its called life.
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#13 by Craig R on August 23rd, 2009
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This is a false assertion. We have five children who all are independent and self-confident. We used physical discipline on them to the extent that it was effective. Our youngest, for example, simply didn’t need it. A stern word would melt him. Our oldest son needed physical discipline but didn’t respond to it — it only made him more determined to have his way. We had to change our response to him and I believe it worked.
Parents need a toolbox full of disciplinary tools that are age-appropriate and personality-appropriate. Physical discipline is one of those tools. So are time-outs, privilege revocation, chores, etc. etc.
Physical discipline is NOT to be confused with abuse. I have never struck a child in anger. I have never raised my voice to a child except to be heard. I have never grabbed or thrown a child around. I have restrained a child and I have spanked a child, but always calmly and always with an explanation of what I was doing and why.
We used physical discipline only for intentional disobedience. Never just because we were frustrated with the child.
Properly applied, physical discipline is an important tool for teaching children proper and safe behavior.
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#14 by Mandy S on August 23rd, 2009
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Aaaaaaaaaaas opposed to ridiculing or verbally tearing down a child. Those are definately not warm fuzzies.
For all its faults, I don’t think spanking is a direct cause of low self-esteem. I know quite a few people with good self-esteem who were spanked as kids.
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#15 by TAB, the avid bibliophile on August 24th, 2009
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No idea. I find it much more effective to teach my children the natural consequences of their actions, like if they don’t put their lunch bag in their school bag and want me to do they will not have a lunch and I will not do it for them and if they don’t want to bring their dirty laundry to the laundry room they will not have clean clothes and if they don’t pick up their toys and I have to do it I will not have time to read or play with them because I will be too busy cleaning up their mess.
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